Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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