Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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