I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
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Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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