hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
