I CAN MOONWALK!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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