I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
