You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
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I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
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Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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