He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
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Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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