"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
