smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You can't special order awesome
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
