I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i came on her dog
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
