I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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