Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
