everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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