3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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