Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I have already put on my inside pants.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
