when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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