please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
