i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
