i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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