I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
