you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
