In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
