He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
