some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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