can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You can't motorboat a personality
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
