Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
