The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
