I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
