Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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