Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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