yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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