I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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