tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So vagazzling was a success
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
