I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
