So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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