Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
