I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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