garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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