Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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