I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
