Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
