btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
