woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
