I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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