as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We had sex on a dog bed..
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Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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