i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
