my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
