just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
