You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
