we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
