First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
