Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
