does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
