They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize