Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
