While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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