I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize