i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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