I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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