My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
