There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my being single is dangerous.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
