OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
