Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize