I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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